Shaan Trotter | Age 43 | Father of 2
Being a father in one word?
Felicity
There's no blueprint for "good" parenting/fathering, in what way(s) do you think you could improve as a father?
I know that my expectations for my children are high, and it is my patience with them that needs the most improvement. I've accepted the "rush" of our competitive environment and have accidentally placed that stress on my children every now and then. I want them to value every second of their youth while reaching every height in their curious little minds and, I accept that it will be at their own pace.
What are you most proud of in terms of what you believe you’ve done right as a dad?
I have never shut them down from being children. They are allowed to explore the world that I wish for them to inherit. In this world, they are allowed to be as loud, active, touchy, expressive, questionable, and more so long as they are safe. I have gotten the looks from some parents but, who are we kidding, they're not doing anything abnormal or different from what should be expected at their ages. I will not put labels on their inquisitiveness (...nosy, bad, spoiled) nor will I shame them for being outside the norm of their cultural peers. There are too many opportunities for them to discover, and I refuse to convince them that their block is the limit in this vast world.
Anything about fatherhood that you dislike?
Yes...that I will die. There will be a day that I have to accept where I will no longer hear their laughter, feel their touch, see their sad faces, smell their errs, and roil in their accomplishments. Fatherhood is a prized honor which I've witnessed many who treated it unkindly. However, for my two, I've braced myself for what is to come - teenage stage - and I am eager for the end result of two upstanding adults.
What scares you most about the world our kids are growing up in?
Nothing. Humanity is predictable, but technology has made it sensational and hard to digest at times. They'll face some of the very challenges I had, and they'll have to solve some which I could never fathom. If I do my job right, they'll know that they're prepared for each and every challenge. The decisions they make are their own and they should be prepared for the consequences of their acts. I can and will advise, but they have to fortitude to get to the next phase.
Most important life lessons that you want your kids to learn? (list or discuss up to 3)
A) Family First - home is where you can always find security, relief, harmony, and safety. B) Stay curious - never stop questioning and pursuing answers of all kinds. C) The World is Yours - for as long as you can, travel and never root yourself to one space out of fear.
Any insights or words of encouragement for new or expecting fathers?
Take as little verbal advice about parenting as possible - people, particularly older parents, want to share their parenting tactics as if they make sense for your personality, personal aims, or environmental timeliness. Not worth it. Mimic the acts of those who you do admire - witness happy parenting and children in action in every community around you. Don't be afraid to mess up - you're going to mess up. Close the door and cry/laugh about it, and go right back in. Discover who your child is and love and be proud of her/him no matter what - Malcolm Gladwell - 10,000 hours of "I love you and I am proud of you"...until you are numb in the face. Spoil your child with attention - childhood should be exclusively about being spoiled because being an adult most of our lives is crappy! There is nothing wrong with an attention spoiled child. Don't hit or believe that harming your child will correct anything - trauma free children make better adults
Anything else that you'd like to add or share about being a Black father?
I love being Black!