brothaFather Q & A #7

Dialo Askia | 44 | Father of 1 (New Dad)

Being a father in one word?

Amazing!

There's no blueprint for "good" parenting/fathering, in what way(s) do you think you could improve as a father?

I could improve as a father by increasing my focus. You can never be too tuned into the life of your child(ren). In that moment you checked your text, you could've missed a smile. In that phone conversation with someone else, you may have missed a question. My goal is to be the main source of information for my child so I need to be on alert to not miss those opportunities to impart knowledge.

What are you most proud of in terms of what you believe you’ve done right as a dad?

I am most proud of the love I've shown my son. He will never wonder whether his father loves or even likes him. I tell and show him every day.

What scares you most about the world our kids are growing up in?

What scares me most is the easy access to, and celebration of, misinformation and ignorance.

Most important life lessons that you want your kids to learn? (list or discuss up to 3)

The most important life lessons I want my son to learn are as follows, but not in order: 1. Set goals; long term and short; yearly, monthly, daily. You can't achieve long term goals without steadily achieving short term goals. 2. Don't be a follower. You will be lead astray or nowhere every time. Never be afraid to go against the grain and walk alone. 3. Pay attention to the details.

Any insights or words of encouragement for new or expecting fathers?

Enjoy each moment.

Anything else that you'd like to add or share about being a Black father?

An unfair stigma has been placed upon Black fathers. Those in control of imaging will have you believe we don't exist. Let's be present in our children's lives and understand they're learning from us every day. Don't try to be perfect. Be yourself. Be loving. Be kind. Be inspirational. Be encouraging. Be stern. Be true.

brothaFather Q & A #6

Roger Boniar-Agard | Age 49 | Father of 1

 

Being a father in one word?

Humbling.

There's no blueprint for "good" parenting/fathering, in what way(s) do you think you could improve as a father?

Consistency in discipline.

What are you most proud of in terms of what you believe you’ve done right as a dad?

I have never not shown up when I said I would. Never.

 

What scares you most about the world our kids are growing up in?

That it might not exist. that my daughter is a black woman in a world insisting it will bark louder at her than anyone else.

Most important life lessons that you want your kids to learn? (list or discuss up to 3)

That there is nothing such as talent; only hard work and that if she works hard enough at the thing that's difficult to figure out, she will figure it out.

Any insights or words of encouragement for new or expecting fathers?

Your instincts are more important than your traditions. trust them.

brothaFather Q & A #5

Shaan Trotter | Age 43 | Father of 2

Being a father in one word?

Felicity

There's no blueprint for "good" parenting/fathering, in what way(s) do you think you could improve as a father?

I know that my expectations for my children are high, and it is my patience with them that needs the most improvement. I've accepted the "rush" of our competitive environment and have accidentally placed that stress on my children every now and then. I want them to value every second of their youth while reaching every height in their curious little minds and, I accept that it will be at their own pace.

What are you most proud of in terms of what you believe you’ve done right as a dad?

I have never shut them down from being children. They are allowed to explore the world that I wish for them to inherit. In this world, they are allowed to be as loud, active, touchy, expressive, questionable, and more so long as they are safe. I have gotten the looks from some parents but, who are we kidding, they're not doing anything abnormal or different from what should be expected at their ages. I will not put labels on their inquisitiveness (...nosy, bad, spoiled) nor will I shame them for being outside the norm of their cultural peers. There are too many opportunities for them to discover, and I refuse to convince them that their block is the limit in this vast world.

Anything about fatherhood that you dislike?

Yes...that I will die. There will be a day that I have to accept where I will no longer hear their laughter, feel their touch, see their sad faces, smell their errs, and roil in their accomplishments. Fatherhood is a prized honor which I've witnessed many who treated it unkindly. However, for my two, I've braced myself for what is to come - teenage stage - and I am eager for the end result of two upstanding adults.

What scares you most about the world our kids are growing up in?

Nothing. Humanity is predictable, but technology has made it sensational and hard to digest at times. They'll face some of the very challenges I had, and they'll have to solve some which I could never fathom. If I do my job right, they'll know that they're prepared for each and every challenge. The decisions they make are their own and they should be prepared for the consequences of their acts. I can and will advise, but they have to fortitude to get to the next phase.

Most important life lessons that you want your kids to learn? (list or discuss up to 3)

A) Family First - home is where you can always find security, relief, harmony, and safety. B) Stay curious - never stop questioning and pursuing answers of all kinds. C) The World is Yours - for as long as you can, travel and never root yourself to one space out of fear.

Any insights or words of encouragement for new or expecting fathers?

Take as little verbal advice about parenting as possible - people, particularly older parents, want to share their parenting tactics as if they make sense for your personality, personal aims, or environmental timeliness. Not worth it. Mimic the acts of those who you do admire - witness happy parenting and children in action in every community around you. Don't be afraid to mess up - you're going to mess up. Close the door and cry/laugh about it, and go right back in. Discover who your child is and love and be proud of her/him no matter what - Malcolm Gladwell - 10,000 hours of "I love you and I am proud of you"...until you are numb in the face. Spoil your child with attention - childhood should be exclusively about being spoiled because being an adult most of our lives is crappy! There is nothing wrong with an attention spoiled child. Don't hit or believe that harming your child will correct anything - trauma free children make better adults

Anything else that you'd like to add or share about being a Black father?

I love being Black!

brothaFather Q & A #4

Santana M. Williams | Age 45 | Father of 2

Being a father in one word?

GREATER.

There's no blueprint for "good" parenting/fathering, in what way(s) do you think you could improve as a father?

Improve on my patience. As a father, you instinctively want to shield and protect them from the mistakes you made. Of course, they don't always heed the warning! It tries the patience but sometimes the best lessons are hardest learned. 

What are you most proud of in terms of what you believe you’ve done right as a dad?

I hope they have a certain level of confidence, buoyed by the fact that "Dad has my back". You traverse life differently when you KNOW you are loved. 

Anything about fatherhood that you dislike?

The anxiety. The anxiety of not knowing if you got it right.

What scares you most about the world our kids are growing up in?

I know as a country we have come a long way. However, I still fear there is so much "dangerous racism" hiding and pinned up that an explosion is imminent. I'd rather my generation face it rather than theirs. Actually, they may be better equipped to deal with the aftermath than us; less judgemental. 

Most important life lessons that you want your kids to learn? (list or discuss up to 3) 

1. To trust God. It's easier said than done. 

2. Don't judge a book by the cover. (And read many books)

3. To find a way to do what makes them happy. Find your passion!

Any insights or words of encouragement for new or expecting fathers? 

Be the father YOUR child needs. Every person is different and so is every child. Yes, they arrive that way. 

Anything else that you'd like to add or share about being a Black father?

Have fun!

brothaFather Q & A #3

Kamran Assadi | Age 33 | Father of 1

Being a father in one word? 

Enlightening

There's no blueprint for "good" parenting/fathering, in what way(s) do you think you could improve as a father?

Having patience and calm more often. I don't always choose that option and it frustrates my wife a bit as I can be a bit strict. Other than that, I think I'm good.

What are you most proud of in terms of what you believe you’ve done right as a dad?

I'm very proud of showing my daughter what a complete loving two-parent family is. My dad left the household when I was a year old, so I didn't know what that was. A single parent household with no father figure or male role model was my normalcy. I'm very proud that that isn't my daughter's normalcy. Her normalcy is living and growing up with two loving parents helping her be epic - aka a Mum AND a Dad! In addition to that, because I'm around - I'm happy and proud to show her the joy and benefits of a father figure and male role model in her life and showing her how fun it is to enjoy play with her father and the bond that gives us. These things are going to shape her and be second nature for her. I never grew up with that. Having a dad around wasn't second nature for me.

Anything about fatherhood that you dislike? 

Lack of personal time

What scares you most about the world our kids are growing up in?

Growing up in this world and having to navigate it as a mixed-race child. Worried about her first fight, her first heartbreak, anything she would want to experiment with (drugs, alcohol, sex).

Most important life lessons that you want your kids to learn? (list or discuss up to 3)

Love reigns and it conquers all, being selfless and helpful will enhance your mindset positively, social media is just the edited version of life for what people want to show you so don't believe the hype. (Also, in addition, your race does matter to society but don't let it dictate what you want to do - navigate it to benefit you and the people around you)

Any insights or words of encouragement for new or expecting fathers?

Be present even when the shit hits the fan. Keep communicating with the mother of the child regardless of what the status of the relationship with them is. It's all a learning curve, so be open to learn and make mistakes - there's no manual. Show love and spread joy to your child. Your child can pick up on emotions, vibes, and words - be careful what you say around them. Take it one day at a time and don't overanalyze.

Anything else that you'd like to add or share about being a Black father?

It's been a blessing that has been rewarding. It has made me smile and really enhanced the importance of male role models to me especially when I've lacked male role models in my life (including my own dad). My daughter fills my heart with joy in a way I still can't comprehend. I just want people to know and feel that in their own lives.

Black Dads Speak on Fatherhood: "#brothaFather" Video Series vol. 1

#brothaFather: Being a Father. One Word

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#brothaFather: Mighel

#brothaFather: Phenom

brothaFather Q & A #2

Keith Lewis | Age 44 | Father of 3

Being a father in one word?

Transformative

There's no blueprint for "good" parenting/fathering, in what way(s) do you think you could improve as a father?

Being fully present and engaged with my children. Often times I may be preoccupied with work or my own "issues" which compromises my ability to be there and be supportive of their needs.  

What are you most proud of in terms of what you believe you’ve done right as a dad?

I have a blended family which poses challenges with respect to time spent and resources.  However, I have unabashedly been present, supportive and accountable when it was not always convenient or I was not in the best economic position to provide something they needed.

Anything about fatherhood that you dislike?

It can be very tiresome especially when you are trying to be responsible, engaged and supportive. Rearing Children and trying to expose them to enriching opportunities is not cheap!

What scares you most about the world our kids are growing up in?

Technology is making society very complacent and in my opinion less critical.  I am extremely concerned that my children will not have the life-thinking and decision-making skills to help them navigate through the world as independent beings.

Most important life lessons that you want your kids to learn? (list or discuss up to 3)

To demonstrate and practice selflessness - It's not always about you. To love, nurture and support each other as siblings no matter what the circumstances. Embrace challenges and don't flee from them.  Acknowledge your fears but recognize that challenges are the catalysts for stimulating growth and change.

Insights or words of encouragement for new or expecting fathers? 

Love your baby(ies) at every stage of their life and appreciate to the fullest the things they do. I know that I had a tendency to say that I struggled with ages 0-3 and couldn't wait for my children to reach that magical age of 4.  Four was the magical age because they would be fully potty-trained and could communicate decently their thoughts and needs.  I recognize now with that mentality I was overlooking those times with my eldest two and in some instances deprived them of a fully engaged and nurturing dad.  Now that I have a two-year-old again I have been so much more mindful and intentional to not look ahead at the next stage but to relish and cherish the toddler stage and all the joys ( & frustrations) it brings.  It all shall pass and will pass quicker than you think.

brothaFather Q & A #1

Dr. Obari Cartman | Age 37 | Father of 2

Being a father in one word? 

Fulfilling

There's no blueprint for "good" parenting/fathering, in what way(s) do you think you could improve as a father?

I have two sons. I spend more time with my older son than my youngest. It's not fair to him. I would do better about that.

 

What are you most proud of in terms of what you believe you’ve done right as a dad? 

With my oldest son, I feel very proud of how present I've been with his whole life. More than just spending time, just being around him and doing activities, so much of that has intentionally been all about enjoying his presence. So often the activity has just been him. Not multitasking, not entertaining him, just being with him.

What scares you most about the world our kids are growing up in?

The lack of wisdom in the information age. The ease of access to technology and convenience. Global warming.

Most important life lessons that you want your kids to learn? (list or discuss up to 3)

1) Must actively pursue their purpose, and not succumb to other people's plans for them. 2) Enjoy the process. 3) Service is your oxygen tax

Insights or words of encouragement for new or expecting fathers?

Take your time, go slow, be steady and consistent. Have fun. Communicate often, clearly and honestly. The health and well being of your child's mother directly impacts the health and well-being of yall's child. Document as much as you while still being present to the beautiful and challenging moments.